02.28.06
Posted in Rants, Culture, Theology, Political Commentary, Today, Reflections at 16:53 pm by Josh
I had the accountant at my job file my taxes for me. I have to say that for the price I paid, it was well worth the return. Filing my own taxes in recent years has left me with little or no return from the federal government (like last year, I got $3). This year will be quite different. Part of that, of course, is because of student loan interest that is being paid back. Still, this check will look very nice in my mailbox.
I can’t help but notice a big difference between this weblog and my old weblog being content. I used to go on rather regular rants about current events and the silly responses America tends to provide to the rest of the world. As of late, I find myself with little to say. Could it be that we’ve finally sucked so bad for so long that I’ve run out of criticism that hasn’t already been said? I must say, I don’t have any real interest in slamming GWB. It’s like it’s not even fun anymore and most people who do it don’t even really know why they’re slamming him in the first place. Not being one of those people, I feel more like a broken record rather than a useful citizen.
Just thought of something to write about. Mardi Gras. Today is Mardi Gras. Let me tell you what I think about Mardi Gras.
I do not approve of Mardi Gras. Yes, I drink. Yes, I’ve been drunk. Yes, I’ve engaged in behaviours that others will be engaging in today and tonight in New Orleans and elsewhere across the world, though I do regret it. Still, it makes me a hypocrite and that’s exactly what I intend to be. We sin a lot. For the most part, we can’t help it. No matter how hard we try, there is always going to be something that messes with us. Life is about trying your hardest not to sin but it is not about not sinning. However, it is also not about setting aside a day in which we say, “It’s okay, sin all day because you won’t be able to for the next 40 days!”. That is unacceptable. To plan to sin, I think, would qualify as a very bad thing in Heaven. In the past, I have openly invited sin into my life and into my heart and that is why I am a hypocrite now telling you that it is wrong you should not do the same. If you want to celebrate the last day before Lent, have a nice, red meat meal with some wine. Don’t go running around like a fool, baring breasts, stumbling drunk, collecting as many plastic beads as you can. Plastic beads will not buy you salvation.
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02.27.06
Posted in Theology, Books, War History at 09:16 am by Josh
I bought a whole bunch of new books the other day. I have a tendency to buy three or four books at a time and then only read half of them but this time, I’m really going to try to stick to a schedule. Maybe I’ll even get to all of the other books on my shelf that I haven’t finished yet. Anyway, the first book that I’m reading is called Victory Over The Darkness and I highly recommend it. It’s a really helpful resource for anyone out there who is still trying to figure out his/her relationship with Christ. I think it’s much better than The Purpose Driven Life which I found to be rather off-putting, especially if you are not already a professed Christian. I know that when I first read that book I was extremely turned off to Christ because it is way too “in your face” and it doesn’t really explain anything, rather, it just simply says, “The reason you are confused is because you haven’t accepted Christ into your life.” Thanks. Thanks a lot. Anyway, Victory Over The Darkness is considerably more in-depth and, if you ask me, a much better resource for life.
I also bought some historical fiction as well as non-fiction accounts of war time experiences, particularly in Northern Africa in 1942-43. I’m really looking forward to tackling one book in particular because I’ve never come across a book that appears to be so thorough and so complete regarding the North African TO in WWII. I really want to tell you the name of the book except that I’m at work and it’s not. Sadly, you’ll have to wait until later for that information.
More to come (after all, it’s only 0914)
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02.25.06
Posted in Theology at 13:01 pm by Josh
God and I haven’t been agreeing much lately. I ask for things I want, He says no, I ask Him why, He says He’ll tell me later. I’m frustrated, to say the least. I would give most anything to know what it is to be happy again.
What makes it harder (and easier all at the same time) is that I know this is in the hands of God. I know that’s where my life is now. Meanwhile, I’m surrounded by people who don’t believe in God or choose not to give their lives to Him. I try to tell myself that there’s nothing wrong with being around people who aren’t in Christ. After all, Jesus didn’t spend much time preaching to those who already believed. He came to heal the sick and save the sinners. “It is not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick,” (Mark 2:17). However, I am no doctor. At least not yet. My faith in Christ gives me the strength to call on Him for anything that I want or need in life, be it for myself or for others. But to attempt to heal these people and bestow upon them the blessings that I have received I do not feel strong enough to do yet.
Every day I spend the total of at least an hour begging God to unite me with a woman in Christ who will, one day, be my wife. Alas, I’ve received no response. I’m afraid that I’m going to live my life alone. I’m afraid that God wants me to be alone.
A good friend and mentor has assured me that God does not want us to be alone. It is not good for man to be alone because he will get depressed and God does not want that. And so this is what God and I have been talking about for the past couple of days. I’ve prayed, but I’ve spent a great deal more time talking. I’ve broken my own cardinal rule to never ask God why or when. Not only have I broken this rule, but I’ve gone entirely against it, begging to know when or why and begging to have some kind of answer now. I haven’t received one. I think it’s because God knows I’m weak. He knows I want to know now and He forgives me for demanding or being cranky. He is more pleased that I’ve come to Him for these things in the first place.
I’ve told God He’s not going to hear the end of my pleas until He answers me. I just pray that He answers me soon. I’m terribly lonely and feeling quite directionless and that, my friends, is an awful gloomy, dark place to be. If you are a believer, please pray for me. If you are not, please pray anyway.
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02.24.06
Posted in Movies at 09:52 am by Josh
So we picked up with One and Miette being reunited after their close call with drowning (alas, this reunion brings Miette’s dabblings with other orphans to a halt). The two of them proceed to share very sentimental moments, devoid of much of the action that the first half of the movie had to offer. Though there are some scenes that might be uncomfortable for American audiences due to the age discrepency between the two characters, it should not be missed that Europeans tend to have much closer family ties than we do. One embraces Miette as his “little sister” and then holds her close as they go to sleep under a potato sack. All I can say is that if your mind is in the gutter, get it out. This is a beautiful movie and the connection between Miette and One is not only a part of the beauty but I believe it to be a central factor.
Once the reunion takes place, The Original discovers the green globule of nightmares that had been contained in a cannister and accidentally discarded by one of The Clones. He doesn’t know what it is but since he collects junk, he saves it. The dreams get out of the cannister, enter his mind, and proceed to whore themselves around to all of the sleeping children in the vicinity. This gives The Original insight into his past which he still can’t remember. The dreams eventually make their way to Miette who is then also given some insight though it seems she is not sure as to what.
Miette and One run into The Octopus on a pier and they demand the jewels that Miette is carrying (I don’t quite know where the jewels came from). Miette turns them over and The Octopus puts One under a spell. He begins to become violent with Miette until a large ship crashes into the dock, pleasing The Octopus to no end and sending both Miette and One into the drink again. Then, from who knows where, Marcello shows up with an accordian box of his own and plays the same spell tune for The Octopus and the two women proceed to destroy themselves.
Now Miette and One find themselves somehow getting into Krank’s laboratory. They become separated and Miette meets Irvin the Brain. She also discovers that Denree (Little Brother) is hooked up to the dream machine along with Krank and apparently Miette is the only one with the courage to go into the dream and stop Krank from stealing Denree’s dreams.
What can I say about this movie except “wow”? If the first part of the movie seemed like a myriad of dark beauty and wonder, the second half could likely make your head spin with overwhelming awe. A return to the Santa Dream sequence with Miette coming down the chimney instead inspires something of a mystical confusion that would make anybody watching wonder if they weren’t really in a dream as well. There is age-morphing done for both Miette and Krank, the two reversing roles between old and young. And of course, let’s not forget the fleas; nothing is quite as disturbing yet somehow fascinating as watching digital fleas jump from person to pet back to person again. Who knew that fleas could plant drugs on people?
There is nothing about La Cite des Enfants Perdus that is not worth seeing. Yes, you have to read subtitles if you don’t know French. No, the ending is not your typical Hollywood ending. Indeed, it is almost abrupt for our standards. But that is what leaves us thinking. You can’t watch a movie like this and expect to get it right from the start. You have to let it sit and marinate in your mind and I guarantee you, even if you don’t finish the movie the first time you watch it, you won’t be able to keep from seeing it again. It’s subtle and subliminally tantalizing and you will find that you have no choice but to sate that thirst for another glimpse at Jeunet’s bizarre world.
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02.23.06
Posted in Movies at 12:13 pm by Josh
Time for the first movie review of the new weblog. Unfortunately, I only made it through the first half so you’ll have to wait for my final views tomorrow.
Jean-Pierre Jeunet has created something that provokes very mixed feelings in me at the initial onset. First of all, let me say that if you do not understand French, the movie will be difficult to follow at first. Normally I have no problem with subtitles but there is so much imagery in this movie that the subtitles can be awfully distracting. I often found myself missing either dialogue or some bizarre piece of action that I would have preferred not to miss.
Language barriers aside, Jeunet has really taken French film to a new level. Let’s start with the opening sequence: A quaint childhood home in some seemingly-rural part of France suddenly transformed into a child’s worst nightmare involving multiple Santa Clauses, donning creepy faces (and bad teeth) and tiny pinwheel-type objects that look more like buzzsaws than toys for tots. Shortly afterwards we find ourselves in a mad scientist’s laboratory where he has a host of 6 clones who all look and sound exactly the same as well as a brain in a fishtank which has a Marilyn Manson-esque mechanical eye which it controls and apparently speaks through. Krank, the scientist, has some difficulty expressing his inner-most feelings as well as an inability to dream. He soon is led to believe (not surprisingly by the fishtank brain) that the answer to his physiological and emotional problems likely stem from the genetic make-up of his tears. This presents a difficulty in scientific study because, of course, Krank doesn’t cry. Then the brain is really mean to him and makes him cry. I’d tie this together better but I haven’t seen the rest of the movie yet so please stand by.
Apart from Krank and the brain and the clones (who, by the way, steal children in order to use their dreams for Krank’s satisfaction), there is a band of orphans, led by the sassy, but somehow irresitably cute Miette. The orphans stumble into One, a large man who breaks chains in the street carnival. One is not very bright but he does have a great deal of love for Little Brother (who, incidentally, is One’s little brother…clever, eh?). One gets tricked into helping Miette and though the two hate each other at first, they begin to develop a close bond which I will write more about tomorrow.
Miette and The Orphans are all under the management of The Octopus, a freaky French version of Siamese twins. The Octopus works as one unit: one woman drags a cigarette, the other exhales the smoke; one woman tastes the stew, the other smacks her lips…you get the idea. They have employed the orphans to steal for them which is how Miette meets One. When it is discovered that One is strong enough to lift a safe (so as to avoid cracking it), he is volunteered by The Octopus to help The Orphans.
Still with me?
Little Brother is stolen by The Cyclops, a group of henchmen (I think) who view the world out of a single mechanical eye worn on the left side. Supposedly, this eye shows them the world of Appearance which we are otherwise oblivious to. I hope to have more on this tomorrow.
Anyway, One is constantly side-tracked from his criminal activity by searching for Little Brother. Eventually, Miette and One are caught by Cyclops and left to drown. One is saved by some guy who I think is a traitor and Miette is saved by the Original of the Clones, but he can’t remember being cloned. One and Miette are soon reunited and the story continues…
Briefly, I’ll say this. My summary seems long but it only covers one hour of the movie (which is not two hours in length). Despite the confusion on my part, this movie truly is well done. The imagery is amazing: Towns that look like sewers, islands on stilts in the middle of a green ocean, ghoulish phantasms that hover over the heads of those dreaming in machines…Jeunet has conquered the Bizarre in a way I’ve never seen done, even in a Tool music video. Of course, I would like to give serious props to Ron Perlman and Judith Vittet for pulling off not only two amazing individual performances, but also a performance as a couple. Yes, it’s weird. A muscle-bound 40-something and an 8-year-old cutie (I’m not even sure she’s eight) are not what we think of as a perfect couple. Well, in life, that would be true but The City of Lost Children is clearly not typical life. That being said, I highly recommend this movie to both people who understand French and people who like to read subtitles. Check back tomorrow for a more thorough review (less summarizing, more criticising).
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02.22.06
Posted in Music, Culture at 11:27 am by Josh
Thanks to all who came out to Kenny’s Castaways last night. It was an amazing experience and I am so grateful to have such support from so many different people.
I still don’t have a futon. I would like to have one soon. I will try to buy one again today for the second time.
I’m going to watch a French movie tonight. I think I’ll like it. If you would like to join me, e-mail me or leave a post! =)
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02.21.06
Posted in Theology at 16:32 pm by Josh
I’ve spent a great deal of time lately really reflecting on life and attempting to sort out my future. I know that God is calling me to ministry but then I find myself left wondering, what about all of my dreams? I love music, maybe more than anything. When I play it’s like I’m in another world where something else is guiding me, maybe even speaking through me. Above all other things in the world, I want to meet a woman who one day I’ll marry and have a family with but this, too, does not seem to be in God’s plan for me. I long to minister to people in a helpful, compassionate way, especially adolescence who have such challenges ahead of them but again, my opportunities to be engaged are inhibited by bureaucracies, policies, and crippling procedures. Indeed, it was this afternoon that I realized that my dreams are quickly fading beyond reach. I know all you non-Christians out there are saying, “See, proof there is no God.” I also know that any of you non-Christians out there who knew me from high school and college are thinking “Here goes Josh on a religious rant. Go, man, go!”
You are both wrong.
I am sad that my dreams are on hold. I am sad that my dreams may never come to pass. But that’s what it is to be a child of the Lord. Sometimes, it’s just not for us. The hard part is waiting for the answers. If I’m not here to do these things I love so much or to be a part of things I love so much, then what is my purpose? I think I hear my calling but how on earth do I get there? It’s overwhelming. It’s heartbreaking. It’s enough to drive you nuts. I spend a great deal of time in prayer over these things and I still don’t have any answers. But that’s because I’m not listening the way I should be.
God answers us. He always has. I need to look to those answers. I need to find the answers in what it is that I do. Most importantly, I have to not reject an answer just because I don’t like it. Alas, that is, hands-down, the hardest part.
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02.19.06
Posted in Music at 21:35 pm by Josh
Come see my show!
157 Bleecker Street (btwn Thompson and Sullivan), 8PM
$5 cover and plan to buy a drink, alcoholic or otherwise
Once again, I’ll be delivering a variety of original tunes along with some cover that only two people will know. I’ll probably talk, too. That’s the hardest part =P. Btw…I’m taking a head count which I’ll take into account at Christmas time…
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02.17.06
Posted in Theology, Rants at 13:35 pm by Josh
Earlier this morning, I was sitting at my desk on the 16th floor of my building next to a very large window underlooking Trump World Tower. The windows operate as follows: There is a hinge on each side of the window and on the bottom with a handle to one side. You rotate the handle 180 degrees to unlock the window and then it pulls out from the top, opening to about a 25-30 degree angle at the top.
While sitting next to this large, open window, ominous clouds rolled over the formerly-blue sky and started to pelt midtown with a rather vicious, though brief, rain. Shortly afterwards, the sky still a deadly grey, my window slammed shut, unprompted, untouched. Needless to say, it scared the crap out of me and all of my co-workers in the immediate area. After cursing about it for a quick second, I said, “Well, you can’t win ‘em all,” (a saying which comes from me quite a bit, for those of you who don’t know me). No sooner had the words come out of my mouth did another window on the other side of the room come crashing down on the floor, shattering glass everywhere and nearly taking out our trainer and some of our participants.
Needless to say, I immediately began to pray. Soon afterwards, the clouds passed over and the wind died down and we certainly have better ventilation in the office now. But that’s not the point. The point is, this was not a freak accident. You see, there are rumours about some legal business that involves our trainer and this business is dirty. Very dirty. And God knows that this is happening. I think He was trying to tell us something. I think He still is. I just don’t know what.
I know that God is always watching and that He always wants to be involved in our lives. But many of us forget that Satan is here too and while God may seem cryptic and hard to understand, Satan is slick. Satan is cunning. Satan knows the way to the evils in our hearts. Nothing but divine intervention can really save us. The problem is that we expect such intervention to be obvious and we expect it to have a connection that we don’t need to think hard about to come to. The shattering of windows seems hardly relevant to the ethical business of a company, but it is. It was God shouting out to us, saying, “Stop! Don’t do what you’re about to do!” But all we saw was a window shatter on a grey day in February.
We must always be aware of the evils in our lives. We must consider all happenings, decisions, feelings, etc. in terms of light and dark. What seems wonderful may, indeed, be evil. Likewise, the wrongs we feel done unto us may be a piece of our own salvation. As a world, we have forgotten much of God. It’s time to remember Him again. He’s begging us to do so.
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02.16.06
Posted in Music at 22:22 pm by Josh
I’ve added some mp3s of songs I wrote a while back. The recordings are not the best but you get the idea. I don’t really play most of those tunes anymore but one will always be in my heart (take a wild guess…). Maybe one of these days I’ll have the guts to post some really old recordings that are little more than single track, condensed ramblings that my buddy made into out-takes. Fun memories for me, but probably not nearly as interesting to you =) Anyway, while I’ve got some time to kill, I’ll give a brief run-down on each song:
Desperation: Wrote this during Drama 101 while the professor was explaining why VCRs are bad. Mike said the song is my ‘hit’.
Awake: Also written in Drama 101, this song was written the same day as Desperation. Neither song got music until a week or so later.
Damn Nation: Second song I ever wrote, I really liked this one. Unfortunately, some people misconstrued the message and I got enough negative feedback to retire from playing it. I do hope you enjoy it though.
Letter From Abroad: What can’t I say about this song? In short, it’s about a girl I used to know and it symbolizes many things that have made me who I am today. This song and I didn’t get along very well for a number of years. It brings me great joy to be able to play it now without any regrets or tears.
Last Song At Q: The last song I wrote at my college, Quinnipiac University (QU)
Wish: Something simple that turned into a beautiful ballad. Oh how I need a rhythm guitarist…
Weeds: Funny story. There was this girl I had a crush on once and she didn’t care so much for me. I took a chance and bombed out rather expectedly. Then we ended up being on a committee that had to meet for a year. That meant spending one afternoon a week in a room together. Awkward. Anyway, the title is a secret. You’ll have to buy me booze to find out.
Cluster Three: Also about the girl I had a crush on. This song was fun but then I started to realize that it sounds kind of lame.
There you have it. All of the lead parts are improvised in a rather inebriated fashion. If you ever want to jam, let me know =)
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