01.31.07
Context Makes A Difference
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Not entirely,” he answered between stabs, “but I’m not sure that it’s a bad one either.”
~Joshua Cacopardo, Dark Island
It’s not what it seems…I swear.
Blogging Rip-Off (Updated)
I’m totally stealing Alissa’s monthly “Books I’ve Read” roll-call, regardless of how inferior my list may be 
- Loop by Koji Suzuki- I reviewed this already so I’ll sum up: Not what I expected but a decent sci-fi novel if you like that sort of thing. 2/5
- Only Revolutions by Mark Z. Danielewski- Also previously reviewed, another disappointment but not an altogether unpleasurable experience. 3/5
- Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? by Philip Yancey- Definitely worth a read for believers and non-believers alike. This book gives great insight on the purpose of prayer painted in a very realistic light. 4/5
- Humility by Andrew Murray- This is a book for believers, stressing the importance of humility in life. A good read, fits in your pocket nicely, but could have been a little more insightful. 3/5
- Wild At Heart by John Eldredge- Wow. This book is everything but an actual manual on how to be a real man, made proudly in the image of God. Both men and women can gain amazingly valuable information from this read; it will strengthen individual men, women, and marriages. I read this one in two days. 5/5
- The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis- An in-depth look at the problem of pain in a world ruled by an all-loving God. Well thought out and far beyond my intellect, C.S. Lewis reaches levels of understanding I can only dream of. 5/5
Unless I get a strong objection to my lack of originality in stealing ideas and rating systems from other weblogs, you can expect to see this every month. The subway is doing wonders for my literature collection. I might actually feel smart by 2008…Maybe.
01.28.07
Let It Snow
This morning the weather said “snow showers possible this afternoon”. Going to and from church I saw no signs of snow. Now the weather says “steady snowfall starting at 7, accumulating 1-3 inches”. My question is simple:
Where the heck was this snowstorm this morning? It just appeared out of nowhere?
In times like these, there’s only one thing I know to do as a New Yorker: Blame New Jersey.
01.24.07
Things I Shouldn’t Be Proud Of: The Break-in
Somewhere under Central Park, just before 110th Street, a panic ran through my heart as I remembered I had not taken my keys out of my apartment with me. In hopes this was another of my paranoid errs, I casually yet somehow still frantically began to dig through my pockets as though I might find a hidden treasure among the lint buried in my coat.
No keys.
“Don’t panic, Josh, You’re a PFer. You will find a way into that apartment.”
I run through the options: I could call the super (cloud bubble: Didn’t he say he doesn’t have keys to the apartment?); I could pick the lock; I could cry…
I choose to pick the lock. Racing up the stairs of my building I flip through a rather boring set of supermarket cards and store credit cards I don’t remember applying for in search of one that will be used less than the others (it ended up being The Vitamin Shop). I weaved through the hallway triumphant as if I had already won the battle.
Problem was, my door is that only door in the building that has a special lock-picker guard thingy. I attempted to remove this in a primitive fashion and upon apparent failure I thought “God will get you out of this. You will not sleep in the hallway tonight.” and believed in it so diligently that I was actually disappointed when I called the super and found his number to be temporarily out of service. So I say to the guy who just came in the front door, “Did the super get a new number?”
“Oh, are you trying to call him? I called him the other day and it said his line was out of service.”
Damn.
So I go to bang on the super’s door in the rat-infested basement and find (buh-buh-buh-buuhhhm): No one is home 
. “God will get me out of this. I will not sleep in the hallway tonight.”
Returning to the foyer, there is a pretty young woman standing at her mailbox and I say, “Did the super change his number?” to which she replies, “Let me check my phone and tell you what I have,” which she does except that the phone wasn’t on and so there was a long period of silence while we waited for a technologically inferior Razr vi to boot up.
“You got not heat?” she says with a Southern drawl to which I reply “I got no keys” with a Northern drawl. She made a face and said, “Try the fire escape,” and I said, “I can’t reach it from the sidewalk,” and she says “Come through my apartment” and so I say okay.
We reach the threshold of her door, directly three floors above mine. “Are you a crazy guy?” she asks as I follow her in. Wouldn’t it be too late? I think to myself but of course reply that I am not, in fact, crazy. We then made small talk over the State of the Union while she cleared off her window sill and I made a break for it. “By the way, what’s your name?” “I’m Josh, and you are?”
So I casually walked down three flights of fire escape stairs in a sketchy hat, stopping at a lower level apartment with no lights on where I bent down and struggled to enter through the window, all the while facing Lenox Avenue. When I finally got in, my cats proved their cowardice to me by running and hiding in the bathtub but then, upon realizing it was me, they changed their tone and began begging for the “Josh-just-walked-in-the-door-treats). It amazes me that a cat can think so complexly about treats but still claims not to be able to breathe a word of English.
The only thing that could make this story better is the cops showing up right now asking if I’ve seen anything suspicious.
“Honestly, officer, it looked just like an orangutan. ‘e ran right past that window there, wearing a sketchy hat. My cats saw ‘im too. Ask ‘em if you like.”
See, God answers prayer. He’s even kinda funny about it.
01.22.07
Afternoon Exchange
Josh: Any reports of drug or alcohol use?
Client: No.
Josh: So you can pass a drug screen?
Client: (thinks carefully) No.
Josh: Maybe you want to tell me about that.
01.20.07
Dumb Things I Did Today
- Thoughtlessly put the Psycho Soundtrack on while in the shower…you can guess what happened next.
- Stay tuned for more (it’s only 13:15, don’t pay attention to the time stamp)
01.19.07
Amen
Excerpt from Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? by Philip Yancey, Zondervan, 2006.
Richard Mouw tells a story about a tourist who observes a devout Jewish man praying at the Western (”Wailing”) Wall in Jerusalem. The Jew rocks back and forth with closed eyes, beating his breast, sometimes raising his hands. When he finishes, the tourist asks, “What do you pray for?”
The Jew responds, “I pray for righteousness. I pray for the health of my family. I pray for peace in the world, especially in Jerusalem.”
“Are these prayers effective?” the tourist asks.
“It’s like talking to a wall.”
01.18.07
Naughty Writing?
Instead she seemed to be staring at the same spot on the kitchen table as she leaned on a single elbow, the cigarette spending more time between her fingers than between her lips.
Is it just me or does this sentence sound, maybe, a little inappropriate? This is how American media has tainted my creative mind
01.17.07
Coming Clean
The past couple of times I’ve been to church a friend has smiled brightly upon seeing me and said, “You look radiant”. She started saying this the first time I went to church after returning to New York City and has made something of a habit of it, though I’m sure she is not as aware of it as I am. I’m pleased that I appear to be radiant. However, I am also struck at how easy it is to lead others to believe such a thing.
The truth is that I’m not feeling particularly radiant and I haven’t for quite some time. For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with depression and loneliness and my battle is so very far from over, as best as I can tell. That doesn’t mean that I mope around all the time or that I’m a drag to be around; indeed, I’d like to think that I’m rather enjoyable company. But the truth is that inside, I feel worthless, unloved, and unlovable.
Becoming a Christian has made all of this more bearable. I know that even if I should come across as unlovable to the whole of the world, nothing can keep me from the love of God and as a result, I’m determined not to be kept from loving Him. A long time ago, I blamed God for my sadness. Now I know it wasn’t God at all but the devil all along. And this is my cross.
But my cross is getting heavy. I know I’m supposed to give it to Jesus but the harsh truth is, I just don’t know how. With so much time alone I am constantly praying, trying to draw nearer and to understand Him better. But for some reason now, and for the past few weeks, I’ve been falling down. I’m exhausted. I’m hurt. I’m tired of being hurt. God promises blessings, wholeness, and love and yet I feel only rejection, heartache, and emptiness.
Out of the purest selfishness, I’m asking that, if you read this, you might think to pray for me. Pray that this darkness will lift because I know that God has such a light for me out there. I just can’t find it right now.
13:1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.~Psalm 13
01.15.07
Character Requiem
One of my characters in my original novel, Dark Island, just died in the re-write. The character wasn’t supposed to die. I don’t know what happened. It’s really not fair either because this is going to leave another character broken-hearted and that character is a really nice person who doesn’t deserve to lose a loved one in such a way. I’m rather irritated by the fact that a fictional world can be as uncontrollably disappointing as the real world. Isn’t this my story, for crying out loud?
At 195 pages so far, I’m setting a goal for the end of January (and I mean it this time). If anyone would be interested in reading this manuscript (it will be e-mailed for the sake of paper unless you intend to edit in which case, let’s chat) to give me first impressions and constructive criticism, let me know. I’m shooting to publish by the spring so the sooner I get this ball rolling, the better.
I’ll try not to let anyone else die unexpectedly : /