01.29.09
The Broken Heart Set
Finally. Some of the recordings are a little fuzzy. Sorry, but I’m done.
01.26.09
Just Curious
Do you think that as we get older and start storing more information in our brains, useless or otherwise, our heads get heavier? It would explain all of this neck pain I’ve been having.
01.24.09
Dear Little One
Dear Baby Upstairs,
I understand. You don’t like it here. The womb was warm, protected, slightly muffled; everything seemed magical, perhaps even transcendental. Now you’re here in Queens and the heat doesn’t work in the house. At least, not down here. I’m assuming it’s pretty cold up there, too. I understand, also, that your mother is perhaps not the first person you would have chosen to raise you. Give her a chance. She’s a little goofy, but she sounds like she can be very nice.
The point, Baby Upstairs, is that it’s really only going to get harder. I know you think that crying helps, but it doesn’t and truth be told, what you know of life is nothing to cry about. Now, interrupt one more of my recording sessions with your ad hoc vocals, ruin the final take of a solo I can’t possibly reproduce, delay my creative efforts so long that my very soul’s inspiration dies inside of me, and then you’ll have something to cry about. I’d hate for that to happen, Baby Upstairs. When you’re not making a racket, you seem like you’re probably a pretty nice guy. Or girl. I really don’t know what you are. What I do know, Baby Upstairs, is that I’m not the one who fathered you. Why do you make me suffer such things?
Sincerely,
The Guy Downstairs Who Is Sorry To Say He Doesn’t Like You
Round One: 2009
I have nothing cryptic enough for this entry. You’ll just have to trust me. It’s all in this little book here. Well, not all of it. The rest is in my head. Some of it is inside my guitar, but the only way to get it out is to play the proper chords. I don’t know what they are yet. Thus, if I seem cryptic at all, you surely understand why.
01.19.09
World Demonstrations of Stupidity
The family of the guy who threw a shoe at President Bush is filing a lawsuit against the Iraqi Prime Minister and the exiting President, stating that his human rights have been violated in prison because he keeps getting beat up. In addition, the family claims the man did “nothing wrong”.
Two problems here: The first is that there is a very clear shot of this guy hurling his shoe across a press room and to be sure, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such an honest look of fear on the President’s face. Afterwards, the guy admitted the offense (like he had a choice). How can you turn around and say he did nothing wrong? You don’t have to agree with the law for it to still be a law, and it seems fairly accurate to say that throwing a shoe a the US President constitutes aggravated assault on a foreign head of state. The only simpler way to translate that law is to say, “throwing your shoe at someone else’s president”. So very obviously, he did something wrong.
The second problem is the whole human rights issue. Are the other inmates now hired state officials, bound by some sort of oath? Look, I don’t agree with it, but people get beat up in prison. Everybody knows that. You can’t blame a head of state for the behavior of prison inmates. You wanted to take a stand and do something stupid and now you’re whining about the consequences like the world has done you some sort of harm. What happened to the tough guy who was (poorly) assaulting elected officals in front of news cameras only a month or two ago? You don’t want inmates to pummel you, don’t throw things at people. Especially important people with bodyguards.
Man, I’d hate to tell you what the inmates do to squirrely, whining men in US prisons.
01.16.09
Goodbye, Mr. President
It has been eight long years.
Look, I know it sounds cliche, but honestly, they have been long years. All eight of them. In the beginning, it wasn’t so bad. The year 2000 brought about some of the finer jokes I’ve heard and some heavy-handed yet light-hearted criticisms of President Bush as he seemed to spend more of his first year as the world superpower’s commander in chief on vacation than he did in office. That was the last time life in America was not only good (for it still is and then some), but for the most part, carefree.
Enter September 11th. That day will live in on the memories of Americans not only because of the tragedy that took place, but also because of the direction it sent our President and consequently, our country. When President Bush first “declared war”, I was inspired. It is the only time in my life I felt compelled to fight, the only time I have ever tasted (and I pray the only time I ever will) what it means to leap to the defense of those you consider “your own people”. If there had been a draft, I’d have enlisted. If there had been a real war, I might have done the same. But we all know what followed: A war under the facade of diplomacy. That is precisely the sort of war no one can ever win. I think of it as fighting with “light” weapons. It’s a silly idea; the other side will not be so ill-equipped. Whether or not the American people agree with war as a majority is irrelevant. If you make the choice to fight, you sure as hell had better go in there blasting. Mr. Bush did not. Mr. Bush made excuses. Mr. Bush found scapegoats. Mr. Bush changed the course of the war to the extent that the real purpose was never realized. Now, as Mr. Bush leaves office, we remember that Osama bin Laden is still alive somewhere in the world. So much for avenging the United States.
But I do not have only contempt for the President. I want to make it very clear that I believe the job of criticising the President is much easier than the job of being the President. I do not believe, under any circumstances, that Mr. Bush maliciously or carelessly made any decisions which have affected the American people today. I do believe he made mistakes. I do believe that the President of a country should not make as many mistakes. But I also believe that this President faced some of the toughest circumstances — perhaps the most difficult since Franklin Delano Roosevelt — this country has ever seen. FDR, his cousin Ted, Abe Lincoln; these men were up to the challenge. George W. Bush, I think, was not. That’s no slur on the man; it’s just what I see from the very distant seat I sit in. I’m not sure who would have been up to it. Al Gore is a definite no-no, and Kerry would have been only a little bit better. Sure, we like to have a scapegoat just as our President did, but let’s not forget that we as the American people have not done a great job of supporting the proper leaders over the years. We could blame money, trust funds, silver spoons, oil rigs; it doesn’t matter. We The People are still the ones who did nothing but complain to each other about it.
I have no ill words for our Outgoing. I’m not happy with the job he’s done, but I hold nothing against him. The American people — not their leader — need to wake up and realize a few things. You can’t just elect the commander of a democracy and expect him to figure it all out. You also can’t just elect people who hold wealth and power in the country’s financial investments and expect that they will be the right people for the job. Sometimes you need someone who understands people, someone who understands true justice and stands for it above all else. You need someone who cannot be swayed by the petty offerings of the declining greenback, someone who speaks a language beyond that of capital or investments or future profit. America is a country, not a corporation. We are citizens, not a board of directors. We cannot sit up high and proclaim what is fair and unfair, what is profitable and what is not, without doing something tangible about it. No more useless protests. No more useless petitions. If you don’t like what the President is doing, get yourself into politics, change it yourself. “I don’t have the same corporate funding.” Who cares. If your ideas are really better, the people will listen. I’m sick of blaming one man for the faults of a country. I hope and pray that President Obama will do wonderful things for Our Great Nation. But in the meantime, I propose that we applaud President Bush for doing the best he knew to do for a country I have no doubt in my mind he loves with all of his heart.
01.14.09
PH.U.B.A.R.
$179 for a lawn seat to Phish? This country really has gone to hell in a handbasket. I paid less for the Coventry Festival and the IT Festival and they included two days of music and camping. So much for summer reminiscences.
Bad Idea
I know the film industry is in a bit of a lull (who isn’t?) but this is just desperate and destined to fail. And Jackie Chan? Filmed in Beijing? I mean, why not. Let’s just do away with all of the Japanese aspects of the movie altogether. They can live on a farm in Nebraska, Mr. Miyagi will be Mr. Denner and he can live in a backwoods shack, and Daniel can be Ernest and he can bitch-slap his way to the top of the local, “I’ma Kick Yer Ass, Boy” circuit.
After all, what’s a remake without a new interpretation.
KnockKnockWho’sThereNoOneAhhh!!!
I’m not sure that this explains why I talk to myself, but it sure is an interesting study.
I was going to tell you a bit about how I feel today, then I considered writing some poetry for you, and now I’m throwing in the towel altogether. If you don’t have something nice to say, best to say nothing at all. Have a happy day. We’ll talk soon.
01.11.09
Just Some Things
I have decided to pledge my support to the notion that Grimaldi’s produces some of the finest pizza in New York City. It’s not because of the coal ovens, though. It’s the ingredients they use. Their mozzarella is the thick, white variety as opposed to the shredded, string-cheese type so by the time it’s been all warmed up it literally all but melts in your mouth. Now I can’t speak for many of the toppings, but I can say that I was impressed with their use of whole, fancy black olives as opposed to the sliced-and-canned sort. Sure, there was the risk of chomping down on a pit. But really, what is life without a little risk?
I would also like to boast that I have now championed the Brooklyn Bridge at night in the snow, although I am not as hardcore as those brave enough to do it in Chuck Taylor Low-Tops. I do feel just the slightest bit guilty for the mild level of frostbite my companion endured, but I am pleased to report that by three in the morning, both movement and color returned to all of her toes. Thanks be to God.
Lastly, Veniero’s — whose desserts are never a bad idea, though there was a question of whether or not anything but gluttony and self-indulgent lust are present within its mirrored walls — really needs to kick their waitstaff up a notch. They aren’t big on communicating or serving once you’ve already been served. I asked for extra waters and I was looked at like I’d just requested the deed to the restaurant. That, and when I ordered a caffe correto, they brought me a double instead of a single which ended up being fine since I was out so late, but entirely not the point. You bring a single unless someone asks for a double. It’s just common courtesy. At least they put enough Anisette in it.
I’m going to eat my eggs now like a good zombie.